But Why Button of Silk?

Good morning. I know you showed up on this page wanting to know why the website's name is Button of Silk, and I'll get to that. But first, I have a story to tell you—a story about God's goodness and how sometimes it takes a long time for the seed that He planted to start poking through the ground and growing.

Years ago, God laid the desire on my heart to write and to share my thoughts with others. At the time, blogs were the main way to do that, and I really loved butterflies and wanted a butterfly-themed name. But all of the typical names were already taken, so I started to research and pray over the name.

Somewhere in that process, I came across the idea of "button of silk," the tiny bit of silk that a monarch caterpillar uses to anchor before transforming into a beautiful monarch butterfly.

And that image really stuck with me.

I remember thinking, we need that kind of connection too.

We need to have that same connection to Christ. We need to be abiding in Him, because real transformation doesn't come from us trying harder to become better. It comes from staying attached to Him and allowing Him to do the transformational work that He does so well.

Little did I know that God had really only given me the seed of an idea at the time, and that He would spend the better part of the next 20 years transforming me and preparing me, inviting me deeper into relationship with Him, learning to abide in Him.

And honestly, more life happened than I could possibly fit anywhere concisely.

Through it all, God had a purpose and a plan.

About 18 months ago, God placed it on my heart that I needed a secret place to go spend time with Him for prayer, worship, study.

And my closet, still used for clothes, was just big enough for a chair and a bookcase and to be transformed into this little quiet place.

The closet quickly became my sanctuary, and I spent a lot of time there.

I felt God calling me out in obedience, but I didn't know what the next step was or what it looked like.

My prayers became slightly desperate:

"Lord, I know You have something for me. You're asking me to give You something, but I don't know what it is. Whatever it is, please show me."

I had no idea.

I asked Him to reveal this, but He knew.

For years, I had lived with what I can only describe as a very broken nervous system.

It showed up in many ways.

I was a very reactive person, constantly on alert, constantly moving between the responses of freeze, fight, flee, and fawn.

I was hyper-aware of my surroundings and how people were acting. Constantly felt as if it was my job to soften, deflect, cushion, or fix anything and everything that was going on around me, because maybe if I could help them, my own system would also settle down.

It didn't work very well.

I suffered from severe anxiety, having many anxiety attacks a week, often in the middle of the night.

My mind was constantly awash in nervous energy.

And through it all, I flung myself at God's feet, begging Him for His peace and asking Him to teach me how to live in a way that honored Him.

He did.

He taught me and guided me through years of how to live out verses that teach me to trust in the Lord with all of my heart, mind, and soul.

I asked Him to renew my mind, to heal my heart and my soul, and to make me whole again.

He taught me so much, and it is only through Him that I survived this broken nervous system.

And then, on November 13 of 2025, I experienced the most amazing, unexpected thing that has ever happened to me.

God healed.

And not in the way I thought I needed to be healed.

He gave me a vision that I can recall now as if it has just happened.

And at the end of that, He asked me, "Do you want to keep any of that that I showed you?"

I immediately responded, "No."

I felt a swirl of wind around my body, and my mind transformed from what felt like a dark, cluttered, small house into a mind that felt like it was now free.

It was like my inner world went from that tiny, dark place to this vast, open, airy, light-filled place.

I have not had a single anxiety attack since that moment.

And I quite literally am a new person with a new operating system.

I respond and handle life so differently than I could have ever believed possible.

I still stop and say, "Wow, that is not how the old me would've handled that. Thank You, God."

Shortly after this, I felt led to pay for the domain name buttonofsilk.org.

And then I promptly forgot about it until I started praying about how to distribute the daily reflections He asked me to do.

I went to the website to see if it was available and was disheartened for about 10 seconds until I realized, "Wait. I own it."

Now He is taking all of these things, and so much more, and weaving them together and doing something in me that only He is the author of.

And now that closet—that quiet place He asked me to create—that's where I continue to experience my own button of silk moments as I spend time with Him praying, researching, worshiping.

And now it's where I record the daily reflections for Wandering Through God's Word with Wonder.